


Burn My Shadow

by lostonthisisland



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Supernatural Elements, Telekinesis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:42:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostonthisisland/pseuds/lostonthisisland
Summary: This fic is a Twenty One Pilots adaptation of Stephen King's 'Carrie'. If you don't know the story it's about an outcast with telekinetic powers basically. Tyler is my Carrie... Josh is my Josh, I don't know, I'm changing it up a bit. Also Jenna is kind of a dick, I don't know why because I actually really love her, she's a sweetheart.New tags will be added as I write more.WARNING!!! I have been known to take longer than a year to update a chapter. Enter with caution. This author sucks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> FYI, this story takes place in 2006, around the time Josh and Tyler really were seniors in High School.
> 
> Also, title from 'Burn My Shadow' by UNKLE. Great song, seriously, go listen to it, I love it. :D (even better, watch it with the fight scene from Repo Men because dayum, that was some seriously sick shit. Good movie...)

There was always at least one weird kid in every student body, Josh knew this. The ‘social pariah’ was the one you had to stay away from if you wanted to keep your high school status, or remain under the radar anyway. No attention was better than negative attention in the pubescent world of absolutes. And Josh knew, somewhere in the back of his head, that it didn’t matter. That it was _just_ high school. That nothing was absolute. But that didn’t stop him from breaking into a cold sweat at the very possibility of falling from his invisible status to one of social exile and public mockery.

 

Tyler Joseph was the name often whispered through the halls of McKinley High School, sliding off student’s tongues like bitter honey. He was different, and for that he was made fun of. From the girly way he dressed to the doltish way he stuttered out sentences, Tyler Joseph was an anathema to those around him.

 

And for all the years they had shared a grade together Josh never once thought to associate himself with ‘Tyler the freak’ until Mrs. Mootry, his English teacher, assigned them together for a debate topic to present to the class.

 

Josh felt his cheeks burn at the snickering students around him and turned to look at Tyler. The boy was sitting at the back of the room, wearing a shirt covered in flowers and drawing on his hands with a pen.

 

 _Great,_ Josh thought and prayed nobody would tease him too hard for this. Mrs. Mootry continued partnering up the class before they were instructed to go and sit with their partners and spend the rest of class working up an idea for their side of the debate.

 

Reluctantly, Josh grabbed his books and made his way over to Tyler at the back of the room.

 

It was quiet at first when he sat down while the rest of the class erupted into noisy chatter around them.

 

“So,” Josh started, clearing his throat, “I kind of missed what the topic is.” He’d been too preoccupied thinking about the other kids laughing at him he hadn’t heard what his teacher had assigned them.

 

“Institutionalized religion.” Tyler muttered, never raising his eyes from where he was drawing strange symbols on his hand, “We’re supposed to argue against it.”

 

 _Jeez,_ Josh thought to himself, _we’re gonna lose._ He wanted to laugh after that thought, of _course_ he was going to lose, no matter what the topic was. Tyler Joseph was his partner… he might as well be working alone.

 

“Okay,” he breathed and opened up his notebook to start jotting down ideas. The rest of the class Tyler said nothing, only continued to draw on his hand and up his arm. Josh grit his teeth, looks like he really was working solo on this one.

 

After class Josh caught up with his best friend at their lunch table, dropping his tray of food down next to her, “Hi Jenna.”

 

“Joshie!” She squealed and snagged a french fry off his lunch tray, “Did you watch Heroes last night?” her ice blue eyes were bright as she asked him. She always got too excited when a new show came out, Josh didn’t really understand it, and they never lasted. He hated to invest himself in a story that he would never hear the end to, I mean, who would torture themselves like that?

 

“No, sorry. Was it good?” He humored her and dug into his lunch while Jenna went off on him about how amazing the show was and how awesome last night’s cliff hanger was.

 

His tray sat clean next to her untouched one when she finished talking and Josh took the opportunity to tell her about what had happened to him in English class.

 

“ _Tyler Joseph?!”_ she hissed through a mouthful of cheeseburger, “Oh my god, that sucks.” She sympathized.

 

“Yeah, and our topic is _religion_.” Josh groaned, hating his life right now.

 

“He probably would argue in favor of like worshipping the devil or something,” Jenna giggled and Josh grinned.

 

“Right? I bet he’s in a cult that sacrifices goats ‘n shit.” Josh laughed, “I mean, he was drawing these weird satanic symbols and stuff on his hands all class. He probably really does.”

 

“Ew, are you serious?” Jenna’s eyebrows went up at the gossip and Josh felt a little tug of guilt in his chest for the lie. Sure, Tyler had been doodling on his hands but to go so far as to say he was drawing _satanic symbols_? Josh felt a little bad for mentioning it, especially when Jenna launched off into more devil worshipping imagery at the Joseph home.

 

Then a thought occurred to him and he was talking before it had time to process, “Oh no, what if he wants to work on the project at _his_ house?” Josh asked, horrified.

 

Jenna’s face cleared, her pink lips forming an “O” before she was saying, “Josh! You have to go over there! You have to tell the world what it’s like in there!” Her bright blue eyes were sparkling with excitement.

 

The Joseph household was just as taboo as its residents. It sat dark and ominous just a block away from where Josh lived, he passed it everyday on his way to school. It was an unkempt and ugly house, with boarded up windows, a fractured driveway and a brown, tangled mess for a lawn.

 

Some mornings Josh would see Mrs. Joseph leaving for work, a small yet terrifying woman. Sometimes she would shout at him as he passed, chastising him for his pink mohawk or his piercings. She would call him impure and scold him for ‘desecrating his body’.

 

He would turn up the volume on his iPod those days; pick up the pace as he walked by.

 

“I don’t know…” Josh said, his spine tingling uncomfortably at the thought of entering that woman’s house.

 

“Oh, come on, Josh!” Jenna chided, her lunch pushed aside, “You promise me you’re going to get inside that freak’s house. Oh! And take pictures!”

 

“Jenna-”

 

“Josh.” She leveled him with a very serious gaze, “Think of what people are going to say about you when you’re up there with your debate and you’ve got Tyler Joseph next to you arguing the positives of devil worship. You have an _in,_ Josh. You have to show everyone where the freak lives.”

 

“But how is that going to help-” he started and she cut him off again.

 

“Nobody else has the balls to go to his house. They’ll love you for it.” She grinned and went back to her forgotten lunch.

 

And Josh felt a tingle of excitement for believing her.

 

|-/

 

Tyler trudged up the cracked cement of his driveway with his backpack slung loosely over his shoulder. He hoped his mother was in a good mood, that she would let him play his music.

 

The front door swung open beneath his hand, revealing a dark and poorly lit interior. Crosses littered the walls, the dressers and shelves like a disease. Porcelain angels sat dusty and righteous, looking down on Tyler.

 

His mother was at her sewing machine, making a dress for somebody and muttering beneath her breath the whole time.

 

“Hello Mother,” he called to her, making his way to the kitchen to find something to eat.

 

“Oh, Tyler,” She looked up then, grey eyes taking him in, “We need to pray for Mrs. Connor. This dress…” she snapped off the sewing machine, standing to wipe her hands on the faded material of her blouse, “It’s sinful. She shouldn’t be wearing it, nobody should see her… Come pray with me Tyler.”

 

She followed him into the kitchen, her long silvery hair stood stiff on either side of her cheeks as she took his hands.

 

“Mother…” he started, “Why must we pray for someone who-”

 

She cut him off with a cry, “Tyler! What have you done to yourself?”

 

Her grip tightened painfully on his hands and he tried to pull away. He’d forgotten he’d drawn on them in class today. His heart spiked in his chest, afraid of the closet.

 

“It’s nothing, it’s nothing!” he shouted, trying to get away from her, “It washes off mother, don’t worry about it.” His hands ripped free of her and he stumbled back, dropping his book bag in the process.

 

Her eyes narrowed before she was grabbing it off the ground, opening it and looking through it.

 

“Mother! Stop!” he cried and tried to steal it back from her but she turned and slapped him hard across the face, her ring stinging his cheek. Tyler hissed and held his face, shrinking away from her while she pulled out notebooks and flipped through them.

 

“What is this?” he recognized his own scribbled poetry before she was ripping the page out of the book and shredding it between bony fingers.

 

“Please, mama,” he pleaded, watching her destroy his notebook, “it’s just words.”

 

“You’re writing about _demons_ , Tyler!” she yelled, brandishing one of his poems, “A car, a torch, a death…” she read aloud, “What is this blasphemy?”

 

“It’s not blasphemy… if you would just read it-” he started but knew she wasn’t listening.

 

She threw the notebook at him and he batted it out of the way right before it could hit him in the face. His mother was stalking angrily toward him and Tyler backed up, his hands splayed out, “Mother _please…_ ”

 

She grabbed his hand, long nails biting into his skin, “Why do you do this to your body?” she was looking at the symbols etched onto his wrist, “Are you ashamed of what God has given you? Has he not done enough? Are you not grateful for him? For saving you when I tried nothing but exterminating the vermin growing in my belly. Exterminating _you._ ”

 

Tyler felt a tear slice down his cheek, he hated when she talked like this. Talked about her pregnancy with him like some kind of disease.

 

She was up in his face, her grey eyes seething while she spit, “You should love this body! It wouldn’t _be_ here if it weren’t for Him! His _miracle_.”

 

She threw the word out of her mouth like it had left a bad taste and Tyler started shaking his head, tears coursing down his cheeks. He didn’t want to hear this, he didn’t want to know how much she hated him. How much she wished he had never been born.

 

“I sinned to try and rid you. I drank the devil’s brew and still here you are.”

 

Tyler threw his hands over his ears, he didn’t want to hear this. Not again. It hurt too much.

 

“I threw myself down the stairs trying to kill the demon child in me and still… here you are.”

 

She was trying to pry his hands off and Tyler screamed at her, “Stop it, mama! Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

 

The house began to shake, a low rumble beneath Tyler’s shrieking voice. Cross’s bounced against the wall. One fell off its hook and clattered to the floor.

 

“Tyler!” His mother howled and he heard her scream as something crashed and shattered. He looked up just in time to see another porcelain angel lift off its perched shelf and fly through the air straight at them. They ducked as it smashed into the wall, raining tiny pieces of porcelain into their hair.

 

Then it stopped. The house stood still and it was quiet save for their heavy breathing.

 

“Mama…” Tyler started, his voice unsteady, “I’m sorry-”

 

But she was already pushing him, a hand wrapped tight around the back of his neck and he fought as she dragged him across the floor, the closet door coming into view.

 

“Mama, _no!_ ” he cried and tried to fight her, but she was strong and she threw him against the wall before ripping the door open, revealing a tiny space dominated by crosses and mirrors on its three walls.

 

“You’ve got the devil in you, Tyler! You get into your closet and you pray! You pray that God fixes you!”

 

She grabbed him by the shirt collar and yanked him inside, slamming the door shut as the house began to shake again, “ _Mama_!” He cried, banging his fists on the closet door.

 

He heard the lock slide into place and cried out again, the crosses and mirrors on the wall around him shook angrily, slapping into the dry wall while he screamed to be let out.

 

“You pray, Tyler!” He heard her call through the door and Tyler punched the wood one more time before turning to face the closet.

 

Through dozens of mirrors his own ugly face stared back and Tyler glared at the big one in front of him until it split and shattered in its frame, fracturing his surprised face in its reflection.

 

“Mother, please.” Tyler wailed, watching himself in the broken mirror, “Please let me out.”

 

But he knew she would leave him like this. Trapped in near darkness and forced to look at the heathen in the mirrors.

 

The walls stopped shaking and Tyler slumped to the floor in the quiet aftermath of his anger. She didn’t love him when he was like this, when he made the  house tremble and the air thick with whatever pain or hatred or fear was coursing through him.

 

Tyler took a deep breath and reached for the bible kept on the closet floor.

 

He opened it up and began to pray.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He hated to invest himself in a story that he would never hear the end to, I mean, who would torture themselves like that?"
> 
> That part was for you guys. You masochists.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day in English they had moved onto a new topic. The debate projects were to be worked on outside of the classroom and Josh internally groaned. He wasn’t looking forward to spending his own free time with Tyler the freak. Five minutes before class let out they were allowed to exchange contact information with their debate partners and set up times and places to work on it.

 

Josh shuffled over to Tyler’s spot at the back of the room. Normally, the boy was writing or doodling something in his notebook, a pen always in his hand. But today Josh noticed that Tyler had spent class with his head down on his desk instead. He was still in that position as Josh came over.

 

“Hey.” Josh said and Tyler slowly lifted his head, “Want to exchange cell numbers?”

 

Tyler’s dark brown eyes flickered to Josh’s face once before he focused on a spot on Josh’s T-shirt, “Don’t have a cell phone.” He muttered.

 

“Oh, then how about instant messenger?”

 

Tyler just shook his head.

 

“E-mail?” Josh tried and balked a little when Tyler responded with, “Don’t have a computer.”

 

He could almost forgive the kid for not having his own cell phone but how did he not have a _computer_ this day and age?

 

“Okay, well, how about we meet somewhere after school…” _Your house_ was on the tip of Josh’s tongue but he couldn’t get himself to say it. He would never admit it to Jenna, but the idea of stepping foot into the Joseph household terrified him, “Like the library?” Josh finished lamely and Tyler just nodded before he was grabbing his books and shoving past Josh on his way out of the classroom.

 

 _Freak._ Josh thought and looked up to see Danny Meyers, McKinley’s star basketball player, laughing and shaking his head at him.

 

Josh felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment. Had Danny been laughing _at_ him or _with_ him? He ducked his head and clutched his books tighter to his chest, turning heel out of the room. God he hated his life.

 

|-/

 

After he’d all but run from Josh Dun in English, Tyler made his way to the gymnasium for his next class. Surprisingly, gym was one of Tyler’s favorite classes. He enjoyed running and climbing and _games._ He didn’t get to play much of anything back home, save the piano, and he loved playing games in gym. They were always fun too because Coach made it a point to include everybody so Tyler had his fair share of turns with the ball or whatever they were playing. And he was _good_ at them too. Not as good as the boys on the basketball team though, or at least, they would never admit it.

 

Tyler quickly changed into his gym clothes in the corner of the locker room and watched as Danny Meyers and a couple other boys from the basketball team loudly came into the room. He listened to their conversations about girls for a little bit before closing his locker and heading to the gym. He didn’t want them to notice him lingering it would only give them more ammo to make fun of him. But his eyes stayed on Danny for a bit before he left, admiring the other boy as he changed into his gym shirt.

 

He knew it was wrong, the way he felt about other boys his age, the way he could never stop staring at Danny Meyers. But it was just another shameful sin to add to the long list of things wrong with him. As long as he never acted on it, as long as no one ever found out he would be okay.

 

He started his warm up, running laps around the gym, and thought about the notebooks in his locker, the ones with Danny Meyers’ name scribbled into the margins like a lovesick teenage girl. At least he hadn’t gone so far as to draw little hearts or write ‘Mrs.’ at the beginning of each one.

 

Those notebooks stayed in school, never to be taken home where his mother could possibly see. She’d ripped apart his poetry before throwing the book in his face last night. Tyler didn’t want to know what she’d do if she found boys name scribbled in his notes. She’d probably lock him in the closet forever, or worse, send him to a conversion camp.

 

 By now everyone was in class and running laps in the gym and it was only a few minutes more before Coach Collins rounded them all up and told them they would be playing basketball today. Danny and his teammates hooted and hollered before Coach was yelling at them to calm down.

 

“You’re all gonna get a treat today,” Danny spoke, looking around at the students in the class, “My boys are about to show you how we play!”

 

Coach Collins just rolled her eyes and shushed them again before she was dividing them up into groups of three to do some practice throws.

 

Tyler was paired with two girls who appeared to be best friends, constantly whispering and giggling to each other. Unfortunately, he was on his sixth lay-up before he realized they were whispering about him.

 

He should be used to it by now… they’d only been making fun of him since boys and girls developed cooties in the third grade and kids learned how to be mean to one another. But despite his mother’s insistence that he didn’t need friends, that all of them were bad influences, the rejection of his peers still hurt.

 

He wasn’t like them and they didn’t like him and that was how it would always be. Tyler had learned to accept that a long time ago.

 

When the warm ups were over Coach divided them into two teams to play a full game against each other and Tyler’s heart happily jumped at being put on the same team as Danny.

 

The game went well, Danny had passed him the ball three different times and Tyler had made a handful of impressive shots, grinning like an idiot when some of the basketball players gave him the nod. Their team had won and Tyler felt giddy with euphoria as the boys made their way into the locker room at the end of class.

 

The basketball team was loud with their opinions, shouting over one another and Tyler felt the urge to say something too, to be included in the conversation. After all, he had helped them win.

 

He lingered at his locker, slowly changing as he waited for an opening in the conversation. He was staring at Danny again, enjoying the way the other boy looked, his skin glistening under his sweat. Is this the way he looked after one of his real games? His face flushed and his clothes sticking to his abs-

 

“Hey, I said what are you looking at?” Danny was suddenly saying and Tyler blinked himself out of his reverie.

 

“G-game.” Tyler stuttered out before shaking his head, “I mean, good game. We did good.” He smiled, lips feeling taught and uncomfortable.

An amused grin spread on Danny’s face, “Excuse me, did you say _we_?”

 

“Um,” Other boys in the locker room suddenly were turning their attention on him and Tyler quickly felt exposed, shirt off, only standing in his gym shorts, “Well, y-yeah. I mean, you were good. You were amazing, I was watching you.” He heard himself saying and cringed when Danny’s eyebrows furrowed at him.

 

“The fuck, dude?” Danny was shaking his head, “Don’t watch me anymore, fag.”

 

His teammates around him began making ‘oohhh’ing sounds like he often heard them do when they were encouraging each other to throw insults and Tyler felt a sting in his chest. He shouldn’t have said anything. And now he couldn’t stop staring at Danny, his eyes glued to the basketball star, his brain sluggishly trying to come up with a response, an apology, _something_.

 

“ _Hey!_ ” Danny was suddenly yelling, “Stop _staring_ at me, you fag.” and every boy in the room was silent at their lockers, watching them, watching _him_ and Tyler felt so exposed before he finally managed to rip his eyes away, reaching into his backpack for a shirt when it fell off the bench seat in front of him and the contents spilled out into the middle of the room. And time stopped as an opened spiral notebook Tyler must have hastily shoved in there slid out and there in his handwriting was Danny Meyer’s name scribbled again and again and again on the same page.

 

Tyler felt his face heat and his ears ring as they saw, as they all saw.

 

 _Danny_ saw, and his face screwed into disgust before he was taking halted steps in Tyler’s direction, “Yo, what the fuck?! You serious, man?”

 

“Oh shit, that’s your fucking name Dan. He really _is_ a fag!” his teammates were laughing, the other boy’s in the locker room’s eyes were growing wide and Danny’s face turned red before he was charging at Tyler, his fist slamming into Tyler’s nose.

 

He barely registered himself falling backward into the lockers, his elbow and skull banging painfully onto the hard floor before Danny was on top of him, pummeling into his face with hard fists.

 

Tyler didn’t know how long it lasted. All he felt was pain and humiliation and remorse for the sudden turn of events. His face took a couple of hard punches that felt like bricks to his tender skin before he managed to get his hands up enough to block Danny’s fists, but then his side was taking at first punches and then kicks as Danny stood up and aimed powerful blows to his stomach and ribs.

 

Finally, eventually, someone was ripping Danny away from him and Coach’s voice was ringing out above the shouting that had taken place in the locker room, “What is going on in here!? Mr. Meyers! Principal’s office, _now!_ ”

 

Tyler was curled up in the space between the bench and the lockers, tears falling into his hairline when he felt a touch to his bare shoulder and flinched at it.

 

“Tyler, are you alright? _Jesus¸_ someone get me an ice pack!” Coach Collins was kneeling at his head, “Tyler, can you sit up?”

 

He struggled to, his stomach and head throbbing as he moved, hissing as his head touched the lockers he was leaning back on.

 

“What the heck happened?” Coach was asking.

 

He was too busy with the pain in his face, in his side, for a moment that he had forgotten what had happened. His stuff was still sprawled across the locker room floor, “My stuff-” he hurried to stand up and almost lost his balance at the sudden onrush of agony as blood pulsed to the surface of his newly forming bruises.

 

“Hey, hey, take it easy.” Coach Collins was saying and was suddenly standing next to him, a steadying hand on his elbow.

 

Tyler felt the tears flowing freely down his cheeks at this point, feeling humiliated in front of the few boys left standing around in the locker room. He was grateful when Coach yelled at them all to leave.

 

He was stepping over the bench, delicately trying to lean over and grab his notebook to shove it away into his backpack. He was furious with himself for making the damn thing, he wanted to burn it.

 

Coach must have seen, she was helping him pick up the mess, “Oh Tyler… it will get better. One more year and you’re out of high school and away from these assholes.”

 

He shot her a surprised grin, it wasn’t very often you heard teachers swear.

 

She was giving him a soft smile in return, “Don’t tell anyone I called them that.”

 

Tyler nodded, he could do that. Not very many people trusted him with secrets, he would keep hers.

 

“Are you okay to make it to the nurse?” she asked as he was zipping his backpack closed.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. …Thank you.”

 

Coach gave him a tight smile before he left, quickly wiping the tears from his face. As he made his trip to the nurses’ office he replayed Danny’s angry face in his head over and over again, cringing at the thought that they knew. It wouldn’t be long before the whole school would know, before his nickname would turn from freak to fag. He prayed this never got back to his mother.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments and kudos!! They're the fuel that feeds my muse. Hope you're still enjoying this.

Josh sat in the library after classes let out, his fingers drumming angrily on the table. It was 3:25 and still there was no sign of Tyler Joseph. He could have been home by now, comfy on the couch with a bag of chips in hand, or behind his drumset, earbuds in and turned up loud. He was just about to get up and leave when the familiar scrawny kid in pastel colors came walking into the library and Josh squinted at his face as Tyler spotted him and came over. He gasped as the other boy came closer, "What the heck happened to you?"

 

He suddenly felt bad for being annoyed at Tyler's tardiness, obviously something had happened. There were angry purple and red bruises on the left side of Tyler's face, his lip was split and bleeding and his eyes were rimmed red with recently shed tears.

 

Tyler just stared at him for a moment before shaking his head and taking a seat, muttering, "Nothing."

 

And Josh felt guilty. He felt guilty for not realizing how much Tyler was really picked on, for making fun of the kid to Jenna when he didn't know a thing about him.

 

"No, seriously," Josh dropped his voice even though there was hardly anybody else in the library, "what happened?"

 

Tyler shrugged, his tongue darting out to his split lip once before answering, "Danny. Danny Meyers."

 

Jesus. They had English with that jerk.

 

Josh didn’t bother asking _why_ Danny had done it, he knew well enough the reputation Tyler had at McKinley.

 

"Jeez," he said, sympathizing as he watched Tyler wince when he turned to dig his English stuff out of his backpack, "I'm sorry."

 

Dark brown eyes pinned him with a suspicious look and Josh tried to ignore it.

 

"Seriously," he said, leveling Tyler with a look he hoped read as apologetic and not pitying, "that guy's a dick. Nobody should be treated that way."

 

The words were true but of course it was easier to say when no one else was around to see him and Tyler together. But it wasn't like he was planning on making Tyler his best friend. He could try and make the kid feel better without turning it into something more. He just hoped Tyler wasn't the clingy type.

 

Tyler was just looking at Josh, trying to read him maybe, his swollen left eye boring into him until he finally seemed to believe Josh, "Thanks."

 

"Okay," Josh forced a smile onto his face, "so have you got any ideas for our debate?"

 

They brainstormed for a while, eventually both agreeing that they had been handed the shitty end of the debate. Personally, it was the side Josh most agreed with, so much hatred for one another came with religion as well as war and death. But as they talked he got the idea that Tyler came from a very religious background and didn’t want to step on any toes with his opinions.

 

Most people in this town were very Christian, Josh had come to learn and it seemed that included Tyler and his family. It made sense, what with all the religious propaganda Mrs. Joseph threw at him when he walked by their house.

 

Josh started to wonder if Tyler was actually as religious as his mom was, or most likely, had he been force fed that crap from her and not allowed to decide for himself?

 

Not that he had a problem with being Christian, but to the extreme that Mrs. Joseph was frightened him.

 

They wrapped it up around 4:30, agreeing to meet in the same place again tomorrow. Josh hung back, not wanting to share the awkward walk home with Tyler, after all his house was on the way to Josh's.

 

|-/

 

Tyler took a deep breath as he stood on his front porch, hand on the door knob. He didn't know how his mother was going to react to the bruises on his face. It had been a long time since he'd come home with any, and these were far worse than anything he'd had before.

 

He stepped inside, spotting his mother at her sewing machine and tried to bypass her, planning on heading straight up to his room.

 

"You're late." She said and he halted on the third step.

 

"Sorry mother, I had a project to work on in the library after school."

 

"Come here," she called and Tyler reluctantly obeyed.

 

She gasped as she took in the sight of his face, “Tyler! What happened?”

 

“It’s nothing, mother-” he tried but she was gripping his chin, her grey eyes angrily taking in all the bruising.

 

“It’s those boys, isn’t it? Those vile, sinful boys! You don’t need to be messing around with them, Tyler, they’re bad influences. All of them!”

 

Tyler pulled away from her grip, “Mother-” he tried to interrupt her.

 

“With their filthy language and their piercings and their little whore girlfriends-”

 

“Mother!”

 

“Tyler, I don’t want you going near them again. You stay far away from them and you pray for them.” She picked up a swath of fabric and began wringing it in her bony fingers, “You’re not going to school again, Tyler. You’re staying here where I can-”

 

“I have to go to school!” he protested and she just began shaking her head.

 

“No, you’ll stay home. You’ll stay home where they can’t touch you, we can’t risk it, we can’t have the whole school sh- no, you stay home.”

 

“What? What were you going to say? Can’t have the school shaking? Like I shake our house? Like I shattered our windows?”

 

She started screaming then, throwing her palms over her ears and Tyler wanted to rip them off, wanted to yell in her face that this was who he was. That when he was angry he could make these things happen. That it wasn’t the devil inside him it was just _him._ Just Tyler. Just her son.

 

But he didn’t.

 

Instead he took pity on her, and gently he reached out to pull her hands away and shush her screaming, “Mama, mama, I won’t go. I’ll stay home, okay?”

 

She quieted, her grey eyes moistened with unshed tears.

 

“Just for a little bit, a couple days, okay? I have to go back eventually.”

 

“You’ll stay here.” She whispered and Tyler nodded, pulling her in for a hug. But she shook her head and pushed out of his grip, smoothing her dress before she returned to her sewing machine, “It’s settled.” She said and her voice was cold and far away.

 

Tyler felt his chest tighten at her dismissal, but he nodded and trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, his body and heart aching.

 

|-/

 

Tyler wasn’t in class the next day. Josh frowned at the empty seat in the back of English. He stuck around the library after school too but unsurprisingly, no one showed up.

 

He wondered if it had anything to do with the fight he’d had with Danny Meyers. If you could call it a fight, it was more like a beat down. Maybe he’d just been too sore… or too embarrassed. Josh understood.

 

On his way home he lingered a little bit while passing the Joseph household. Same as always, the house stood quiet, boarded up windows lurked like dark eye sockets and the lawn grew wild and frayed, weeds reaching toward him like claws.

 

A part of him almost wanted to turn into the driveway and knock on the door, check on Tyler to see if he was okay.

 

But it was the beat up Chevette that sat on the cracked pavement that made him decide against it and continue on home.

 

 

By Friday, Tyler still wasn’t in school and Josh was getting nervous.

 

Their project was due next week and they hadn’t really started working on it.

 

At lunch, Josh’s tray hit the table with a _clack_ as he sourly dropped it on the table.

 

“Jeez, what’s up your butt?” Jenna asked him and he just growled out Tyler’s name.

 

“He’s still out?”

 

“Yup.” Josh snapped, his lips popping on the ‘p’.

 

He was aggravated. It wasn’t fair. He was going to have to waste his whole weekend doing the project himself because his partner hadn’t shown up to school for the last couple days.

 

He really shouldn’t be so angry… he’d seen Tyler’s face. If their positions had been swapped he probably would have stayed home too. But this was _Tyler_ _the freak_ they were talking about and as much as he hated to admit it he felt that it gave him reason to complain.

 

Any other partner and it wouldn’t have been as big of a deal. Hell, he would have probably had a cell phone or e-mail or _something_ to use to work on the project together if it had been anybody else.

 

“Hey, did you hear what happened between him and Danny Meyers the other day?” Jenna whispered, her eyes lighting up and Josh rolled his eyes. Gossip was like crack to this girl.

 

“Hear it? Jenna, I _saw_ it. His face was all messed up.”

 

They hadn’t gotten a chance to discuss this the other day, Jenna had taken her lunch block to make up a test and Josh had eaten with Mark and Ben instead. They had spent lunch talking about My Chemical Romance’s new album.

 

“Oh my god, did he say what happened? Did he tell you _why_?” Jenna’s eyes were as wide as saucers and suddenly Josh felt uncomfortable.

 

It really wasn’t any of his business.

 

“No, and I didn’t-”

 

But Jenna interrupted him, her stage whisper not quite a whisper but a shriek, “He tried to put the moves on Danny, if you know what I mean?”

 

Josh frowned, not expecting to hear that, “What?”

 

“Yeah, I heard that he took his clothes off and tried to make out with Danny.”

 

Okay, that was a lie. There was no way _Tyler_ did that, “Jenna-”

 

“That’s what Debby told me, she said that he had this diary that he showed Danny, that he had pictures of him and had written his name with little hearts all over it…”

 

Josh frowned at her, this all sounded a little unbelievable.

 

“Okay, _all_ of that probably didn’t happen…” she pouted, “But, I do know that Danny pummeled him because he’s a homo.”

 

Josh swallowed uncomfortably, “What’s wrong with being a... with being gay?”

 

It was Jenna’s turn to look uneasy and Josh was grateful his best friend managed to look at least a _little_ chastised because… well, because it would hurt too much if she really did feel that way about gay people.

 

“Well… nothing, I guess. It’s just… c’mon, Josh,” she smacked him playfully in the shoulder, “Jeez, it’s _Tyler_ were talking about here, everything he does is wrong.” She laughed and for once Josh couldn’t bring himself to laugh with her.

 

He gathered his lunch and stood and suddenly Jenna looked hurt, “Josh, wait, where are you going?”

 

Shrugging, Josh quickly lied, “Not hungry. I don’t feel well, I’m gonna go to the nurse.”

 

“Oh… okay.” Jenna was watching him carefully, “Feel better.”

 

Josh turned and left, dumping his untouched lunch into the trash.

 

The rest of his classes went by slowly, he spent the time not really paying attention but instead staring at the clock. Finally, when three o’clock came, Josh made a beeline for the door out of his last class and began his way home.

 

He stopped at Tyler’s house again, noticing the driveway was empty before slowly making his way up to the crooked front porch and knocking on the door.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally couldn't sleep thinking about this story. Got up at 5 am to write this chapter. Lmao. Oh how I missed writing!!!

 

Tyler stood in front of his bathroom mirror staring at the ugly bruises mottling his skin. The swelling in his eye had thankfully gone away but now the bruising had turned from red to an ugly brownish, bluish color. He hadn’t been able to stop picturing Danny, seeing his face grow disgusted and livid in his mind’s eye, attacking him while everyone else watched.

 

He _hated_ Danny Meyers. Tyler couldn’t believe how naïve he’d been, blinded by his stupid crush. The guy was a class A douche and Tyler was embarrassed to have ever had feelings for him. No, he knew better now, he knew what a sad and pathetic excuse for a man Danny was. He knew him and his basketball buddies were all just entitled jerks who thought they were better than everybody else.

 

Tyler wanted to put them in their place. He wanted to hurt them all the way they’d hurt him, he wanted to watch them bleed, he wanted choke the life-

 

The mirror began rattling against the wall and Tyler was jolted from his violent thoughts, panicking that he would break the glass. Quickly, he tried to focus the tremors on something else. He searched, his eyes landing on the little jar that held his toothbrush and he concentrated on throwing whatever it was he was doing to the mirror to just his toothbrush.

 

Tyler gasped when it worked, when the mirror stopped it’s rattling, when his toothbrush began to wobble against the sides of the cup. Then it was just vibrating, too much force contained in its small vessel and Tyler pursed his lips as he focused, as he tried pushing more energy into it until suddenly it stilled and it lifted completely out of the cup, hovering in the air before him.

 

He felt a laugh bubble out of his throat at the sight of it. It was floating. There in midair, it was just floating. And he could _feel_ it, he could feel it in his head like he was holding it somehow, like he knew he had control of it.

 

Tyler turned sideways at the same time he whipped the thing across the bathroom. It flew by his face and smacked into the wall the same way he had thrown his mother’s porcelain angels across the living room. Except this time he had done it on purpose.

 

He felt a smile split his face that promptly dropped at the sound of a knock on the front door.

 

Who could that be?

 

Tyler bent over to pick his toothbrush up off the floor and drop it back into the cup. He made his way across the house and swung open the front door, revealing the nervous looking boy on the other side.

 

“Josh.” Tyler blurted and gawked at the kid on his porch, “What are you doing here?”

 

He always kind of resented Josh Dun. The boy was flamboyant with his appearance, from his fluffy pink mohawk to his nose and ear piercings to the stupid way he dressed. He was currently wearing a shirt with cat faces all over it. Yet, this kid was never picked on, never called out for looking the way he did. It wasn’t fair.

 

People _liked_ Josh Dun, Tyler knew he had a handful of friends. But maybe it was because he was a band geek, he played the drums really well. He had a _thing_. Tyler didn’t have a _thing_ , Tyler’s thing was being socially awkward and being raised by crazy Mrs. Joseph. And that made him a freak.

 

“You… you haven’t been in school and I just wanted to see if …if you were okay, and…” Josh was fidgeting with the straps on his backpack, his big brown eyes watching Tyler and Tyler suddenly felt really self conscious. He wanted to hide his face, his ugly, bruised face from this sudden concern that was being thrown in his direction.

 

“I’m fine.” He bit out and felt bad when Josh’s face fell.

 

They stood in tense silence for a moment, Tyler debating throwing the door shut in Josh’s face.

 

“Can I come in?” he asked and Tyler felt a jolt of panic lace down his spine, but he opened the door wider, allowing Josh to step passed him.

 

He watched the other boy carefully, watched his eyes take in the living room, the crosses peppering the wall like land mines on a battle field.

 

“Wow.” Josh just said.

 

Tyler shut the door behind them, “My mother’s not home.” He said, for lack of anything to say.

 

“Yeah, I didn’t see her car.” Josh turned to face him, an easy smile crinkling the skin at the corners of his eyes and Tyler felt something in his chest loosen, “Anyway, want to work on the project a little, since you missed the library the other day.”

 

“Oh. Sorry.” He felt his face flush with guilt but Josh just waved him off.

 

“Can we…” he was looking around at all the angel paraphernalia like it might jump out and bite him, “Can we go to your room?”

 

Tyler chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, follow me.”

 

|-/

 

Tyler’s room was not what he had expected. Maybe he had expected more religious stuff or maybe the ordinary, band posters and colorful bed sheets. Josh had a Power Rangers comforter in his own room… it was embarrassing, he needed a new one.

 

 But Tyler’s room was bare… and tiny. A single sized bed was pushed in the corner of the room, there was a clean outline of a cross above it where one clearly used to sit. There was a single desk and chair against the opposite wall, a lamp and a bible sat on top. And then surprisingly, on a little table beneath the only window in the room, sat a ukulele.

 

Josh walked right over to it and picked it up, turning to Tyler, “You play?”

 

The other boy looked uneasy, his eyes flicking to Josh and the instrument in his hands, “Yeah.”

 

“Sorry,” Josh said sheepishly and hurried to gently put it back down.

 

“No, it’s okay,” Tyler said and stood next to him to pick it up himself, “It was my father’s.” he said absently and cradled it in his chest, strumming a few chords into a charming little melody before he put it down too.

 

“Cool,” Josh gestured to him with a smile, “Sounds like you’re talented.”

 

Tyler smiled back, his face softening in a way Josh had never seen and his heart thumped warmly in his chest. Tyler wasn’t so bad. Josh was starting to actually like the guy.

 

They spent the next hour outlining their points on the debate, writing down their arguments. They were supposed to take turns with four three minute ‘affirmative speeches’ and then four three minute ‘negative rebuttals’ after the other side had made their speeches.

 

“Tyler,’ Josh started he was packing up his stuff back into his backpack, “Are you okay with arguing this side of the debate? I mean, you guys seem pretty…” He glanced at the bible on Tyler’s desk.

 

Tyler just shrugged, “Yeah, I don’t mind. I mean…” he shut his mouth then, his eyes drifting to the empty outline above his bed.

 

Josh was curious though, “What?”

 

Shaking his head, Tyler spoke haltingly, “It’s just… sometimes I have a hard time… believing.”

 

And Josh’s chest ached because he could understand that. Being told there was a God that loved you and everything happened for a reason and then having everybody at school seemingly hate you and tease you and hurt you…

 

That wasn’t fair. Tyler deserved better.

 

But Josh was at a loss for words and he just found himself nodding, wishing he could say something to make it all better.

 

A car door shut outside and Tyler’s head snapped up at the sound, his eyes widening in fear. He ran to the window, peering outside quickly before he was dragging Josh by the arm toward a small closet at the end of the bed.

 

“Hey, Tyler-?”

 

“Shh! I’m sorry, you have to hide.” Tyler was opening the closet and shoving him in, “I’m really sorry. Please, just be quiet.”

 

Then he was shutting the door and Josh was enclosed by darkness, Tyler’s clothes surrounding him like curtains. He watched through the wooden slats in the door as Tyler grabbed Josh’s backpack and shoved it under his bed right before the front door opened downstairs. Tyler assumed a spot at his desk, pulling the bible in front of him and opening it to a random page. A moment later the door opened and Mrs. Joseph stepped inside, a bundle of fabrics in her arms.

 

“Tyler.” She said curtly, “Will you make dinner tonight? I have a lot of work to do still.”

 

“Sure.” He responded distractedly, seemingly engrossed in his reading.

 

She watched him for a moment and it looked like she was about to leave when her eye caught on something on the wall and she scoffed, dropping her fabric on Tyler’s desk. Josh watched her stalk over to the head of the bed before she was bending down and groping for something on the floor.

 

Tyler abruptly stood and Josh felt his heart hammer against his chest as they both feared she would find Josh’s backpack. But instead, she stood back up brandishing a simple wooden cross to which she fixed back on the wall above Tyler’s bed.

 

“There.” She said and walked passed Tyler, retrieving her fabrics and leaving the room.

 

Tyler let out a breath and sunk back into his chair, his eyes watching the cross his mother had just righted. A few seconds later the thing shook before falling off the wall again, landing on the floor with a _thunk._

Josh’s mouth opened in shock. Tyler hadn’t even reacted. It was almost like he had known it was going to fall… it was almost as if…

 

His thoughts were cut short as Tyler was opening the closet again, “Sorry,” he whispered and handed Josh his backpack. He hadn’t even noticed Tyler had pulled it from under the bed.

 

“She’s in the bathroom, she’ll be in there for a little while. Quick, follow me.”

 

Tyler quietly lead them out of the room and down the stairs, opening the front door and ushering Josh out.

 

“Hey,” Josh said before Tyler could shut the door in his face, “You gonna be in school on Monday?”

 

Tyler gave him a small smile before nodding and Josh grinned back, “Okay, see you then.” He waved and hopped off the porch, turning to walk back home, his thoughts on the shy and awkward boy dressed in flowers, completely forgetting about the moment the cross fell off the wall for a while.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, these chapters keep getting a little bit shorter each time. I'll try my best to make the next one longer.
> 
> Also, please let me know if this chapter felt rushed?? I can fix it? I was just excited to get it out and rereading it I can't tell if it feels too rushed.


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